Welcome back, Matchbox readers!
This week, Emma and Alia discuss the hard-hitting, thought-provoking topics. You know, the ones that can pull apart friendships and make you want to bang your head against a wall. The ones that pit parent against child and Twitter user against Twitter user. We’re keeping this introduction short because we know how impatient you are to learn about our worldviews.
Does anyone even care about what we think? Do we have anything meaningful to add to this social discourse? Well, objectively, yes, but here are our responses if you’d like to decide for yourself!
Does pineapple belong on pizza?
Emma: Yes, it absolutely does. I don’t know what to tell you other than it just works.
Alia: I honestly don’t understand why this is so controversial. Do people cringe at the idea of pairing fruit with meat? Or fruit with carbs? Are these the same people who order a burger, fries, and a milkshake and consume them all as one food item? No further comments.
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Emma: I consider a sandwich to be two individual pieces of bread containing one or more other ingredients in between. Since, for the most part, the bread in a hot dog is one piece of bread that has been partially split, I would associate it more with a wrap. But, I’ve never seen anyone call a hot dog a wrap so maybe that’s too unpopular of a categorization.
Alia: My commitment to contributing research-based opinions led me to the only appropriate source of information about the etymology of this tasty meal: the Oxford English Dictionary. Although, according to them, a sandwich is not a meal. Instead, it is “[a]n article of food for a light meal or snack, composed of two thin slices of bread, usually buttered, with a savoury (originally spec. meat, esp. beef or ham) or other filling… Occasionally with only one slice of bread, as in open sandwich or open-faced sandwich, or with biscuits, sliced buns, or cake” (OED). I don’t know what to say about this “cake sandwich.” Maybe it is something akin to Rachel Green’s famous trifle? I don’t really eat hot dogs, but I think that the OED would probably view the sandwiches in this country as a monstrosity, while hot dogs as definitely more of a “light meal or snack.”
“Who gives a f*ck about an Oxford comma?” –Vampire Weekend
Emma: I had a really great English teacher in seventh grade and she taught my class to always use the Oxford comma, so that’s what I’ve continued to do since then and I’ve never looked back.
Alia: I do. As a friend once put it, “How is anyone supposed to understand my writing without them?”
Is cereal soup?
Emma: If you take into consideration that soup is prepared by cooking ingredients in liquid, I wouldn’t consider cereal to be soup.
Alia: Back to my friend OED: “Soup, n. A liquid food prepared by boiling, usually consisting of an extract of meat with other ingredients and seasoning.” Hi, would you like some chicken with your Fruit Loops?
When do you wet your toothbrush?
Emma: I personally wet my toothbrush before and after I put my toothpaste on it; that’s just how I’ve done it since it was a kid and I’ve convinced myself it helps the toothpaste foam up.
Alia: Toothpaste, then water.
Do you refrigerate ketchup?
Emma: I don’t like ketchup so I never buy it, but I do prefer when condiments are cold because they can cool down hot food.
Alia: When opened, yes? It has pureed tomato, which, in theory, should be refrigerated? Although, those ketchup bottles in restaurants sit out all of the time. Are they ever washed? I wonder if there are remnants of, like, ten-year-old ketchup in those things. Think about that post-Covid. Yum.
Is brunch overrated?
Emma: Not at all. Brunch is a time when you can indulge in more elaborate breakfast food and I’ve never gotten tired of it.
Alia: Yes. Y E S.
Coke or Pepsi?
Emma: This is a very easy question for me, as I grew up drinking Pepsi. I haven’t drank either in a while, but Pepsi tastes a little sweeter to me, which is why I prefer it.
Alia: I was never a fan of either–lemon Fanta was always my sweet drink of choice. But it’s manufactured by Coca-Cola, so maybe it can just be a proxy here.
Sock-shoe-sock-shoe or sock-sock-shoe-shoe?
Emma: Sock-sock-shoe-shoe. I don’t think I’ve ever considered putting on a sock then a shoe on one foot before moving on to the other.
Alia: I’d like to meet someone who does the sock-shoe-sock-shoe thing. They would probably have a lot to say about this.
That’s all for this post, but we would love to hear where you stand on these issues. Please, tag us @matchboxmagazine in your Instagram responses.
See you next week!